Imagine waking up and realising that you have been an unrehearsed actress in what you believed was a RomCom. That’s when you see that actually, as opposed to the commonly used phrase, lenyalo ke lone semphekgo.

Love is meant to be effortless, which will in turn lead to a healthy and happy marriage. Of course each marriage has it’s own and unique challenges, but the end goal is to STAY HAPPILY MARRIED while fighting through it all.

As a woman, you don’t just wake up and decide you’re getting divorced…it’s a whole deviation process. By the time you actually do put your signature on that divorce application, you had long gone past the decision making stage. What I learned is that it’s very crucial for you to go through the grieving. Ending a marriage can be a painful experience, with no right or wrong way to deal with the change. I never underestimated how painful it could possibly be, but couldn’t limit myself to a life of misery. Above all, what I was certain of is that…IT HAD TO HAPPEN.

It became important to keep reminding myself that I can and will get through it and even move on with a new sense of hope and optimism. I didn’t have any divorcees in my circle who could empathise with my situation, but I learned to spend time with people who knew me and had been through the journey with me, without judgment or criticism. Often, having support from someone external to your life can offer a new perspective and help you come closer to a resolution. Seeking support through a counselor was not on my playing cards because I had been there and done that.

The end of a marriage, for most, can give a knock to one’s self-confidence and self-esteem. This was not the same in my case, it actually became the complete opposite. I had already gone through stages where my dignity was dragged on the streets and I somehow let it define me… this could no longer be me. I was recently told that I’d be faking it if I walk around all smiles and happy, without crying every other day. I have felt very indifferent throughout the process, where I even wondered how and when my heart turned into stone because nothing about the divorce process has made me feel sad or have me doubting my decision. The funny thing is that during the separation, you just figure things out. Absence, in this case, did not make my heart grow fonder. The longer I went without him, the more comfortable I got with his absence. It feels right!

For years you defined yourself as a wife, mother, partner and always as part of a unit… so much so that it becomes a goal to carry out that role, forgetting YOURSELF in the process. The feeling of freedom starts to replace the fear of being alone. The panic of having nobody and facing loneliness fades and the panic of doing life without a partner dissolves. I have dedicated this new chapter of my life to taking care of myself and my health. Making myself a priority has put me in a happier place. I can’t remember the last time I was at such peace and felt so much relief. I’ve been given another chance to enjoy life’s pleasures again. In the pursue of solace, I made a decision to do things that bring joy and comfort to my life and most importantly to rebuild my relationship with God. What I now yearn for is a love story that makes people say “You can tell that God put them together”. I am and will always be PRO marriage!

Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. “